Have you ever felt the way I feel...
Numb… there are people around me, just next to me, their voices like a noise in the background, they a blur vision.
My emotions are in a whirlpool, but I cannot feel any. I know its there, like a needle piercing the skin. You know it’s getting into you, you can see it happening, but no matter how hard you try, you just can’t feel it. I am craving to feel the pain... more importantly feel.
Till few days back, I thought it was pain that made me feel real... flesh and blood, but that too has gone. I feel. No I don’t feel, more like a zombie, living but not alive. There was a time when I wanted to be like this, above all and beyond all. But now that I am here, I have my doubts.
Isn’t this human nature, never to be satisfied with what you have? We all talk of contentment but its not there. And I think it’s good. If all were content and satisfied, the world would come to a halt. So who draws a line- to be satisfied or to crave, to feel or not to feel?
I craved for 'not to feel', and now the desire 'to feel' has become stronger than the craving. I am not wandering, I know where I am and where I have come, but where to now? I want to go on - where and towards what I don’t know. Perhaps this is life. Embarking upon an endless journey, experiencing what you get and not knowing what more is to come.
This fact, however, doesn't dull that curiosity to know- What next?