‘Butterfly Effect’ states that a small change at one place in a complex system can have large effects elsewhere. A butterfly flaps its wings in a far away place creating tiny ripples that begin a flow of cause and effect energy that eventually creates a hurricane force wind. Something on similar lines took place with me while interacting with a friend; well, not to the magnitude of torrential rain showers in my life, while he blinked his eyes elsewhere.
Though, something he mentioned in passing, made me sit up n think. Having read my blog for the first time, he found it ‘morbidity encapsulated’. I have always acknowledged the fact that I am a 'once in a blue moon' writer. His remark, however, made me realise that I’m a miserable writer (not that I write miserably, but I write only when I’m miserable), which explains the negativity, hostility and cynicism emanating from almost every piece I’ve written.
Well, it explains, why I really couldn’t make a career in writing business – one, I couldn’t be that miserable all the time and two, nobody would want to take a pessimism pill that often. Another revelation which came to fore was that miserable writing is more like a safety valve for me. The minute the emotional build up crosses the danger level mark, it is all spewed out on paper (or Microsoft word, as the case may be). Unconsciously, yet a self developed, cathartic system.
The last I wrote was in the year 2009, almost two years ago. Though it had been pricking me awhile, that I haven’t penned a master piece for long, it just struck me that probably I haven’t been melancholic, depressed, distressed or unhappy in a long time. Is that such a bad thing to happen?
It is not. But, then to not write is not too great either.
All my words come from the heart, though routed via the brain. May be it’s time I just look into my heart more often, and turn that emergency exit into a window.
Thanks for being the butterfly ;)